As I have fallen completely in love with Shutterbug, I often fear, and almost wait for the bliss to crumble. I am so used to disappointment in relationships, that the feeling of disappointment has become a comfortable feeling to have. This masochistic notion that in order for me to be content, I must have disappointment in my love life. And as each day comes, and disappointment does not, I find myself becoming anxious and insecure, and completely terrified I will ruin everything or he will change his mind and break it off. The thought of ever losing Shutterbug could make me sick.
Why is it so hard for me to believe that I DESERVE this man? Much like a recovering addict counts his/her days of sobriety, I now have to convince myself regularly that I am a good person and I DO deserve this man. Does anyone else go through this? And if so, has anyone overcome the "I don't deserve this" feeling? Because I sure want to be rid of this...I want to say aloud that I deserve Shutterbug! And believe it too.
No comments:
Post a Comment